I have a couple of questions to ponder.
Is it a condition of receiving God’s forgiveness that we forgive others first, or is there another way, perhaps, of looking at it?
Are we called on to forgive those who have sinned, perhaps graciously, against us — sexual abuse? Unfaithfulness? but who are not repentant themselves?
Strong’s dictionary Definition of the word used for debts in this passage.
g3783.
ὀφείλημα opheilēma; from (the alternate of) 3784; something owed, i.e. (figuratively) a due; morally, a fault: — debt.
AV (2) – debt 2;
that which is owed
˜that which is justly or legally due, a debt
metaph. offence, sin Matthew uses the word hopheliama, whereas Luke uses hamartia, a better known word, so we can’t read too much into debts versus sins.
This does not teach that humans must forgive others before they can receive forgiveness themselves; rather, forgiveness of others is proof that that disciple’s sins are forgiven and he or she possesses salvation.
(William Barclay) The NT uses five different words for sin.
The most common word is hamartia. This was originally a shooting word and means a missing of the target. To fail to hit the target was hamartia. Therefore sin is the failure to be what we might have been and could have been.
(2) The second word for sin is parabasis, which literally means a stepping across. Sin is the stepping across the line which is drawn between right and wrong.
Do we always stay on the right side of the line which divides honesty and dishonesty? Is there never any such thing as a petty dishonesty in our lives?
(3) The third word for sin is paraptōma, which means a slipping across. It is the kind of slip which someone might make on a slippery or an icy road.
(4) The fourth word for sin is anomia, which means lawlessness. Anomia is the sin of the person who knows the right, and who yet does the wrong;
(5) The fifth word for sin is the word opheilēma, which is the word used in the body of the Lord’s Prayer; and opheilēma means a debt. It means a failure to pay that which is due, a failure in duty. None of us could ever dare to claim that we have perfectly fulfilled our duty to other people and to God: such perfection does not exist in this world.
William Barclay comments: ‘Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.’ The literal meaning is: ‘Forgive us our sins in proportion as we forgive those who have sinned against us.’ In verses 14 and 15, Jesus says in the plainest possible language that if we forgive others, God will forgive us; but if we refuse to forgive others, God will refuse to forgive us. It is, therefore, quite clear that if we pray this petition with an unhealed breach, an unsettled quarrel in our lives, we are asking God not to forgive us.
If we say: ‘I will never forgive so-and-so for what he or she has done to me,’ if we say: ‘I will never forget what so-and-so did to me,’ and then go and take this petition on our lips, we are quite deliberately asking God not to forgive us. As someone has put it: ‘Forgiveness, like peace, is one and indivisible.’ Human forgiveness and divine forgiveness are inextricably intertwined. Our forgiveness of one another and God’s forgiveness of us cannot be separated; they are interlinked and interdependent. If we remembered what we are doing when we take this petition on our lips, there would be times when we would not dare to pray it.’
What about forgiving others who are not themselves repentant?
Peter J O’Brien (Sydney based Anglican theologian)
Forgiveness
It would seem to me that forgiveness and repentance are closely linked and in many places the two words appear in the same verse.
In contrast, it is surprisingly rare for the two words to be linked when Christians discuss these issues. Christians who have been severely abused are often told to forgive the other person, but the repentance of the perpetrator is rarely mentioned or forgotten about. The Bible tells us that Jesus died for our sins and we are forgiven if we repent and place our trust in Jesus. However, in my professional experience with Christian adults who were abused as children, they have often been instructed to forgive unconditionally without any mention of repentance by the offending party. It seems to me rather surprising that under their circumstances they are asked to do something that Jesus did not and does not do. It seems therefore that many Christians in positions of responsibility do not understand clearly what Jesus did.
With this in mind I see the full meaning of forgiveness as the restoration of a right relationship. As a result of Jesus’ death and our repentance, we are restored into a right relationship with God. For someone who has been abused, the repentance of the abuser would seem crucial in restoring the relationship. If our child was physically or sexually abused by another person, would we allow our child to be placed in that person’s care, even if they had repented? Would we not rightfully be cautious about any continued relationship? Perish the thought if they had not repented!
Jesus’ death on the cross leaves the door open for us to receive forgiveness. He does not force his offer of forgiveness on us. It is through God’s grace that we have the opportunity for that forgiveness; and it is through his grace that we can repent (which includes understanding the offer and choosing to accept it). Jesus teaches this attitude towards forgiveness to his disciples:
Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times he comes back to you and says, “I repent,” forgive him. (Luke 17:1-4, NIV)
For the Christian who has been abused, I would suggest that the goal we should work towards is ‘letting go’ of their feelings of anger, hurt and the ‘need’ for revenge—finding a forgiving spirit. This means to be ready to give forgiveness if or when repentance is offered. If we use the word ‘forgive’ for this, we need to clearly differentiate it from the other meaning described above.
This is a process that takes considerable time, and abused Christians will need to be able to express and work through their feelings during this process. To the adult who was sexually abused as a child, to the refugee who may have been physically and/or sexually abused and whose family might have been brutally killed, it would seem to me that placing a burden of unconditional forgiveness is hardly the ‘light burden’ Jesus talks about. I would suggest that those who have been sinned against should aim to be like Christ—to leave open the offer of forgiveness for, when and if, by God’s grace, the offending party repents.
Lightening the burden
While God’s love is unconditional and his offer of forgiveness is unconditional, the receipt of forgiveness is conditional. The condition clearly involves acknowledgement and acceptance of our sinfulness (repentance). Where the opportunity allows, our repentance should normally be followed by evidence of a change in our lives, that is, love in action.
We need to remember this in our dealings with abused Christians. In order to give them the opportunity of recovery from their often horrific experiences we need to be able to acknowledge the great injustice done to them and to allow them the time to work through their feelings. This needs to be done with respect and sensitivity, allowing them permission to explore and to own their feelings, whatever their feelings may be. We certainly should not be condemning them for their feelings and should not be placing burdens on them, which are humanly impossible, and not something Jesus himself would do.
What we may also unwittingly do is drive them away from what they most need—the healing, life-giving word of the gospel and the love and support of the Christian community (the body of Christ). I am not suggesting that it is okay for a person to hold onto their bitterness and their ‘right’ for revenge. People who have been abused need to work towards developing a forgiving spirit as it is only in developing a forgiving spirit that they can be free. But unless we make clear the difference between the two understandings of forgiveness, we may be adding to people’s burdens by making them think that they are responsible to restore or to create a relationship.
Before we preach forgiveness, let us imagine ourselves walking in another’s shoes for just a while. As Jesus did for us.
Portions of this article were first published in Briefing #291, December 2022